


The Logistics of Soulmates

by DandelionDrabbles (AnonymousDandelion)



Series: Dialogue Prompt Fills [18]
Category: Good Omens (Radio), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Banter, Bickering, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Declarations Of Love?, Drinking & Talking, Fluff, Footnotes, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Lighthearted, M/M, Philosophy, Rambling, Soulmates, but more like discussion of the concepts of soulmates, do not take any of these references seriously, humor?, miscommunication?, not sure how to tag this one, reference to plato's symposium, reference to the red thread of fate, reference to the zohar, soulmates dialogue prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28735488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousDandelion/pseuds/DandelionDrabbles
Summary: “Did you know,” Aziraphale murmured, “some humans think that souls are shared between two people?”Crowley contemplated that. “Weird,” he decided. “Why d’they think it?”Aziraphale seemed taken aback by the question.(Soulmates dialogue prompt fill #5.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Dialogue Prompt Fills [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996120
Comments: 29
Kudos: 86
Collections: Aspec-friendly Good Omens





	The Logistics of Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> See prompt in end notes.

“Did you know,” Aziraphale murmured, “some humans think that souls are shared between two people?”

Crowley contemplated that.[1] “Weird,” he decided. “Why d’they think it?”

Aziraphale seemed taken aback by the question. “I believe it’s in the Zohar,” he said after a moment. He stared into his glass, brow creased in thought. “Unless it’s the Sympósion?”

Conversations with Aziraphale, Crowley mused, were a fantastic phenomenon.[2]

Tonight, for example. They’d already covered eighth-century-BCE Phoenician pop music, textured vegetable protein, Harry Potter, the relative merits of sambar versus rasam, and kangaroos. And now, apparently, Jewish mystical thought. And/or Ancient Greek philosophy.

How had they gotten from marsupials to mysticism? Crowley had no idea.[3]

“Anyway,” Aziraphale was continuing, “they believe souls are split in two, before being born.”

“Sounds bloody uncomfortable,” Crowley observed. “Who does the splitting?”

“Er.” Aziraphale looked nonplussed. “Angels, I suppose. Heaven.”

“Really?” Crowley grimaced. “Does it actually work that way?”

“How should I know?”

“You’re an angel.”

“Principality,” Aziraphale pointed out. “I work… _worked_ in blessings and inspiration. Soul placements were far above my pay grade.”

“Fair,” Crowley conceded. “So, split souls. Seems awkward. Do they fight over who gets the bigger piece? Is it, like, tug-of-war?”

“What? No, they— that’s not—” Aziraphale sputtered, then paused, struck. “Well. They _do_ say they’re connected by a red string… that’s Chinese, I think… I suppose they could…” He shook his head as if trying to get back on track.[4] “All I’m saying is, they believe souls are… bisected.”

“All _I’m_ saying” — Crowley punctuated the assertion with a dramatic wave of his goblet[5] — “is I don’t get it.”

“We’re talking about the _Zohar!_ ” Aziraphale hesitated. “Unless we’re talking about Aristophanes. Or someone else. Either way. You’re not expected to _get it._ ”

Crowley had another drink. “Ineffable, huh?”

“Maybe.” Aziraphale sounded annoyed.[6] "You’re missing the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point is[7], they… well, they’re incomplete. Until they get together with their soulmate. Their other half.”

“Got that part,” Crowley confirmed. “Sounds awfully inconvenient.”

“Oh, forget it.” Aziraphale’s hand hit the table with a frustrated thump. “You’re not listening.”

“Forget what?” Crowley was offended. “I am so listening! You’re talking about kabbalah, and mythology, and…”

“I’m not!” Aziraphale snapped.

Crowley stared.

“Well, yes, I am,” Aziraphale admitted. “But that isn’t the point. It just… it was supposed to be a way of…” He broke off. “But if all you can say is you think it’s _inconvenient…!”_

Crowley had the sudden sense that he’d misunderstood something amid the rambling. He sipped wine. “Angel, tell me the point again.”

Aziraphale glared. “The _point_ is, I meant to be poetic and say if my soul had been cut in half at birth, it would have gone to you! But, _nooo,_ you just _had_ to be _practical_ about it!”

“Mrltjrgh.” Crowley mentally reframed their recent conversation.

Aziraphale sighed, now more rueful than irritated.

Miraculously, Crowley came up with some words.[8] “I. Well. You. Y’know.[9]”

“I know?” Aziraphale echoed, doubtfully.

“Say it again.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll be less practical this time,” Crowley promised.

There was a pause.

“Did you know,” Aziraphale murmured, “some humans think that souls are shared between two people?”

“Well,” said Crowley, “we were never actually born. But if my soul had been cut in half at birth, it would have gone to you.”

“Those were _my_ words, dear boy.”

“If we can use the same soul, we can use the same words too.”

“You’re being practical again,” Aziraphale accused.

Crowley smirked like a loving fool.[10] His other half smiled back.[11]

**Author's Note:**

> 1 For approximately three and a half seconds.[return to text]
> 
> 2 In both senses of the word “fantastic.” And Crowley, who had plenty of personal and professional experience with phenomena, knew what he was talking about here. It was a fact that talking to Aziraphale was both incredible and, uh, incredible. Marvelous and… um… marvelous. Amazing, and also… Bless it, were there no other words for “the best thing ever” that weren’t also synonymous for “unrealistic and improbable”? Ah, well. They were both true, anyway. Point was, talking to Aziraphale was fantastic.[return to text]
> 
> 3 The actual reason was that the words “Wallaby” and “Kabbalah” are phonetically somewhat similar. Aziraphale’s subconscious had made the connection.[return to text]
> 
> 4 Crowley found this a bit confusing, given that as far as he could tell there had been no particular track in the first place.[return to text]
> 
> 5 The contents of the glass avoided spilling only because Crowley had temporarily forgotten that gravity affected wine, and therefore gravity did not affect his wine.[return to text]
> 
> 6 Which could have been because “ineffable” was not the answer he’d intended on giving, or could just as well have been because it was. (In fact, in this case, Aziraphale’s main reason for being annoyed was neither of the above.)[return to text]
> 
> 7 For once, the point was not dolphins.[return to text]
> 
> 8 Metaphorically miraculous, not literally. Miracles were, as far as Crowley was concerned, much more easily come by than words.[return to text]
> 
> 9 I told you he came up with some _words._ No one said anything about coherent sentences.[return to text]
> 
> 10 This was perfectly fine; he was, after all, a loving fool.[return to text]
> 
> 11 See previous note.[return to text]
> 
> Prompt: “If my soul had been cut in half at birth, it would have gone to you."
> 
> The specific beliefs/myths that Aziraphale makes reference to are:
> 
>   * Zohar I 91B (according to [this thread on the Judaism Stack Exchange](https://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/18667/what-is-the-original-source-that-a-soul-is-split-in-half-before-conception))
>   * [The Myth of Aristophanes, AKA The Origins of Love](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201204/the-origins-love) (told in Plato's _The Symposium)_
>   * [The Red Thread of Fate/Marriage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_thread_of_fate)
> 

> 
> As I assume is obvious, this piece is in no way to be taken as any kind of commentary on any of these texts or beliefs, nor as an accurate representation of their ideas. In fact, it is not to be taken as anything other than the moderately inebriated ramblings of two belovedly dorky immortal beings who really can't keep track of human cultures and concepts.
> 
> Apologies for the overlong end notes! As always, I'd love to hear from you in the comments if you enjoyed this silliness. :)


End file.
